i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
