please come you make the beer taste better
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
