Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
