His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
