Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Drunk is a universal language darling
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
