my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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