I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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