We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
