JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Is it because I queefed?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
