if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Randomize
