you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
