I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
