Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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