My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
