The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
