Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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