even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
