have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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