She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
