Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
