I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
