I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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