Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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