Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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