I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
