i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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