He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
