Are we in a gay sports bar?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
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