I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
COCAINE IS GR8
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
