I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
