My liver just broke up with me...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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