hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
