I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
