when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
