Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
