you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
