I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
