loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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