: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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