Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he shaved USA in his pubs
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
