You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
