Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
