It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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