sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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