you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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