if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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