Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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