If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
