Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
