....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
