I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
