I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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