Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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