Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
