It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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