Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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