Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
