Please, let me fuck your mom
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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