im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You're a waste of cheezeits
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
