ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
